Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
