hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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