There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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