I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
