I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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