He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
