Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
