dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
worst night to have a conscience
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
