then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
