I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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