Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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