im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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