she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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