This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
