my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
