While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
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it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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