her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
