My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
