By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
