We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
