i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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