i wish my penis had a tongue
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
