so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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