Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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