I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
