you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
