my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
