Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
