You're completely useless in the revolution.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
