Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
