i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
