Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
