I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
