i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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