yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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