Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
