I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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