3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
