Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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