people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
