TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
