That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
not ubering you a puppy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
