I just saw a hot homeless man
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
