I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
