mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
