mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My ass is underappreciated
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
