Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
