Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
