I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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