another moral hangover. fuck.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
