Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
