My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
