Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
