She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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