i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is my gift to your gina
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
