I'm eating all of the evidence.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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