Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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