worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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