hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
