Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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