i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i think im in europe. pls send help
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
