just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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