I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
