For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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