i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
