Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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