i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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