im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
