and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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