where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
