how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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